Ocean of Worry
by lilyevansxx
Summary: Hermione is struggling with her exams and life in general. Based off Dodie Clark's 'Down'.


" _I_ _woke up as heavy as lead, an ocean of worry weighs me down in bed"_

Question 12a. Explain the properties of the Triginamora Sprout in relation to the Hypertension potion and

12b. List the method and equipment used in the making of said potion.

The empty space beneath that question looked blankly up at her. She checked the floating countdown timer for the umpteenth time and looked back at the question. Two minutes. Questions 1-11 were complete, and questions 13-17 complete. Questions 18 and 19 were glaring at her from beneath, equally as blank. Hermione lowered her quill and looked at the clock again. One minute forty-five seconds remaining.

" _But there's things to_ _  
_ _There's a life to live_ _  
_ _Must ignore my stupid head"_

Her hand shook as she shifted the quill, pressing it the the parchment, willing the answer to come. She took a shaky breath and squinted her eyes at the question. Thirty Seconds left. What had she done wrong? Why was it that she couldn't remember this one answer?

" _Friends float above in the wind_ _  
_ _Bright balloons pulling them up as they grin"_

Her neck hurt. Her eyes sore.

Her head spun. She closed her eyes. Her mind singing to her as the question disappeared from sight.

" _It's like walking around with a stone for a heart"_

Her mind sung to her though the last few seconds. The moment after it finished flew past like a blur. The humiliation stung. She briefly saw pride in the eye Ernie Macmillan, she saw her classmates conversing cheerfully, as if it were _easy_ , she saw her friends sighing in relief that it was over. As she left the room and she held her breathe, begging the tears to disappear.

" _People swimming in honey as your life falls apart_ _  
_ _It's cold and it's dark_ _  
_ _And there's no way out"_

"Hermione, it's only a test" They say. "Seriously you are being dramatic." She saw the roll of their eyes and the sighs of exasperation but _they don't understand._ "It won't matter in a couple of days!" "I can't believe you are upset." "How could you possibly fail?" "We haven't even got the results back yet." _They don't understand._ "You tried your best, Hermione, that's all you can do."

"No." Hermione replied meekly. "No I didn't."

And Hermione faintly admitted that wasn't entirely true. _She had spent so many hours studying._ She had also spent several hours crawled up on her bed crying. Her life was a wreck. Her appearance worse than ever. Her sleeping patterns abysmal. Her friendships lacking in kindness. Her family relationship close to nil. She had failed her potions test. Everything she had worked for over the entire term had suddenly dissipated within an hour. She had prioritised this over friendships, family, her wellbeing, even her other subjects, which were several weeks behind due to this exam and yet she knew she had missed these questions. Lost those marks. Lost her rank. Her average. Her reliance on the one subject she knew would be her future suddenly felt unstable. Everything she had decided on depended on this test, to prove to herself she was capable. Everything she saw now was movable. Unstable. Collapsible.

Her mind had gone blank. Her mental capacity to the point of overload. It had collapsed on her during sixty minutes. Two questions.

As she turned out of the corridor she felt her knees weren't able to hold her weight any longer. She fell silently to the floor. Her knees scraping on the old stone, her shoes scuffing. Her bag knocked heavily against the wall and she could feel her books jumble inside. She heaved a breath out and begrudgingly let another in.

She _was_ being irrational. She _knew_ that this test wouldn't decide her future. She was _certain_ that she would get to be where she wanted to be. But this exam was the last straw and maybe if she had slept properly last night, the night before and the night before that she would have been able to accept that. Maybe if she had studied productively, or practiced the right questions she wouldn't be in this mess. Maybe if she had talked to someone. Maybe she should have stuck with her friends instead of pushing them away. Maybe, just maybe, she could have been happy.

She went to bed that night not bothering to study for the next test the very next day, not bothering to look after her hygiene, not bothering to talk to her friends or send an owl home to her family. She sat on her bed, reading her novel and eating chocolate frogs, wondering what if she had done something different….

" _Cause there's things to do_ _  
_ _There's a life to live_ _  
_ _Watch them laugh_ _  
_ _While you stay in the rain"_

 _Dedicated to my school exams- without whom I might never be stressed._

 _The Harry Potter universe belongs to J. K. Rowling, the lyrics of 'Down' belong to Dodie Clark_

 _-Amy (lilyevansxx)_


End file.
